Britain’s yummy diving star, Tom Daley, has been presented with a Mini Cooper on his 17th birthday for his diving prowess in the London Olympics. Additionally, the good-looking lad who, judging by the look of his clean and even smile, must have had some dental work done in the U.S., will get a to do a course at the Mini’s driving school. 

Meanwhile, British social commentators are concerned that the gift to the teen is further proof that Britain is a dead empire indeed since Daley had in fact lost his synchronized dive event to the Red Menace team of slave athletes from China.